Infertility, Our Infertility story, Pregnancy, Surrogacy

Up, down, up, down

March 23, 2013

This week has been such an emotional roller-coaster.

First, we found out that our second beta test was great.

It looked like the pregnancy was doing great so far.  See this post.

Then, Nicole called me crying yesterday saying that she was bleeding.

I reassured her that it was normal.  Ten minutes later, she called back saying that she was bleeding heavy and clotting.  My heart dropped. We were both crying.  I just thought, “No, no, no, no, no, no.  Not again. How can this be happening?”  She said she was going to the clinic in Charlottesville, so I told her I would try to get there.  I called my friend Cindy and she offered to take me.  I emailed and texted many people on the way up and asked for prayers.

We arrived at almost the same time.  We went up and sat down in the waiting room.  Nicole got a glass of water, but could hardly hold it because she was trembling.  I was scared, shaken and worried. But, at the same time, I wasn’t really thinking miscarriage.  I don’t know what I was thinking, but I had hope.  Looking back, I am convinced that I was able to get through the day because so many people were praying and literally lifting me up.  I never really understood truly what that meant until yesterday.  God was lifting me up in very scary circumstances.

After what we’ve been through, bleeding has always resulted in miscarriage.  It brings back the most devastating and poignant emotions.  So, for me to able to walk on my own two feet, and have any hope, was a miracle.

We went back to the room.  Nicole had to bring Natalie, her 10-month-old, with her.  Natalie is going through a Mommy stage and wants to be with Nicole at all times. She didn’t want to sit in her stroller, so we put her up on the table to lay with Nicole while I held her so she wouldn’t roll off.

Natalie cried when they turned the lights off.  The doctor started looking around with the ultrasound. I was teary, half looking at the screen, mind racing and trying to calm Natalie.  I prayed. I blinked back tears. Later, of course, I realized that Natalie was a wonderful distraction.

Then, Dr. Smith said everything looks good and there are two babies!

Both implanted!  My heart leaped with joy for a moment. Thank God!

And, then, I remembered being in the very same room once before in the same situation, hearing our baby’s heart beat for the very first time and hearing the doctor simultaneously say, “You’re threatening to miscarry.”

Even though things look good for now, I will be choking back fear every step of the way.  That is what five miscarriages will do to you. Only by God’s grace and mercy will I get through this.

We have since heard that many women pregnant with twins experience scary heavy bleeding, but go on to have healthy babies.  Anyone have stories to share?

But, for now, we are so thankful.  Thankful that everything looks ok.  Thankful that there are TWO babies!

Psalm 57:1
Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful! For my soul trusts in You and in the shadow of your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by.

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  • Jodi

    So glad it’s ok and congrats!!! I know it’s hard to have any confidence left but just take it one day at a time and try to enjoy it. Here’s a link to a blog where she bled heavy almost the entire time. She lost twins the first time and then got preg again with twins and has 2 girls now about 9 months I think.
    Firsttimetwins@blogspot.com
    Her blog now is about the babies but read back and send her any questions, she would be happy to answer them.

    I emailed you a long time ago after my 4th miscarriage and I thought it all had to do head trauma from a car accident 15 years ago possibly messed up my system bu it turns out just all unexplained miscarriages. I took lovenox, prednisone, prog and baby asp when it worked out. You emailed me back and let me know that sirm clinic was bad (I think that was the one). As I asked you about it back then.

  • Jodi

    Think my comment didn’t post but congrats! And try to enjoy it although the worry will always be there, it’s understandable.

    This girl had bleeding for about the entire pregnancy of twins. Read way back in her blog as now its all about her 9 month old babies.
    http://firsttimetwins.blogspot.com/?m=1

    • Whitney Anderson

      Reading now. Thank you so much!

  • Jodi

    Check out her full site and the archives, late 2011 when it starts about her early bleeds and then she had them for months
    http://firsttimetwins.blogspot.com/2011/12/one-year-eleven-weeks.html?m=0

  • Amy

    I’m so sorry for the roller coaster and all the worry. I hope you find some examples with great outcomes to pass part of the time until you can find out more. When will they check by ultrasound again? Did they put her on bedrest until then? I am rooting so hard for those two little ones!

  • Pepper

    I didn’t have twins but I did have scary bleeding early on and now have a happy, healthy almost 2 year old. Thinking good, positive thoughts for you as all.

  • Samantha

    Twins!! I bled, and heavily at times, until 12 weeks on the dot with my twins. My MFM told me that it is incredibly common. That was absolutely no reassurance! It is scary and upsetting, but it can work out just fine. Hang in there.

  • Lea Ann Xanders Hungerford

    I bled heavily at 6.5 weeks with my twins, & continued to bleed on & off through the first trimester. It was a subchorionic bleed, so I was told to stay off my feet when it would happen. I lost one of my boys at 18 weeks, but that was due to an undiagnosed incompetent cervix, not the bleeding. I carried the other twin until I was induced at 38 weeks. He’s five now!

  • Heather

    Twins! Congratulations! double congrats! Fantastic news.

    I bled in the beginning of my pregnancy, the dry kind of dark blood, then at 8 weeks red bright blood (that was a big scare) but it turned out to be a side effect of medication I was on for miscarriage (they are blood thinners).

    With bleeding you can never be too cautious and just go for a check up anyway, I was a nervous wreck, but that support really helps, I was BBMing my friends and DH in the waiting room.

  • Ateam

    So Happy for you!!!
    We have (CGH tested) twins and although I never spotted or bled, a friend of mine did.
    She had subchorionic bleeding for 3-4 months, but her twin girls were fine.
    It does happen, but with a twin pregnancy she’ll be monitored very close, and you will so appreciate that.
    Your story really touched me, when our 2 IVFs failed us, and when it finally did work, 2years later (my twins are 6 months) I kept reading your blog and praying for you because you deserve this.
    Thank you for your honesty in sharing your journey, you put alot of words to my pain and your a great writer.
    I’ll be checking back with you often and you are in my prayers.

  • Meg

    So happy for you and sending prayers from California! I’m a twin and my Mom had extensive bleeding with us in the first trimester. Psalm 57:1 is beautiful. May I recommend a song I listened to during our wait? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3OEGnH5x8g We now have a beautiful little girl who just turned one and I can’t listen to the song without tearing up. Faith can move mountains and I’m SO glad that you’re being lifted up by friends in prayer.

  • Marisa

    Whitney, I cried my way through your post. I’m so sorry that you are experiencing so many ups and downs. It’s the last thing you need. Twins!!! Twins are awesome.

    As for the twin pg with lots of bleeding – I bled a ton during the first trimester with my twins. I was actually at my grandmothers funeral, 10 weeks pg, bleeding so bad that I was in the bathroom and I thought I was miscarrying. I didn’t tell anyone except my husband because I didn’t want to upset anyone but I called my RE in C’ville and they told me that it was probably fine. It turns out it was fine but all the bleeding after so much work to get pg in the first place was terrifying.

    Congrats on two babies, on having so many prayers to give you strengths, and on having people like your surrogate who make this world a wonderful place.

  • Katie

    I am so happy that everything is okay with the TWINS! (YAY!) Thinking so many positive thoughts for you, Erick, Nicole, and the babies. xo

  • Yay twins! I bled at around 7 weeks with my twins. I also bled with my singleton pregnancy at around the same time. The babies were completely healthy. It’s always scary seeing blood though.

  • Staci

    I dont have twins…but I have a 7 week old daughter that I bled with. The first time they said it was implantation bleeding and the second time (at 13 weeks) it was a broken blood vessel in my cervix. Terrifying! Praying for you all 🙂

  • flmgodog

    Oh my gosh -TWINS!!! Exciting and scary!!! I had seven miscarriages total, 4 and then my daughter and then three more and then got a surprise twin pregnancy. I bled A LOT with my twins now 15 months old). I was on lovenox, baby aspirin and a bunch of other things but all turned out well for me…I know this is your surrogate so it’s a different ball game.

    I will stay cautiously optimistic for you all.

  • Jessica Tennant

    Congratulations on twins! What a scary experience to go through in order to find out, though. I wish it could be a smooth journey but it seems that’s rarely the case. I hope for an uneventful rest of your pregnancy and am just so glad that everything worked out! I was so worried throughout this post and relieved and joyous at the outcome. Whew!

  • Cordelia

    Congratulations! I will add you to my prayer list for a healthy pregnancy & delivery!