Infertility, Miscarriage, Our Infertility story

The unfortunate state of my healthcare

August 1, 2011

I am so unbelievably frustrated with doctors and healthcare right now.

Why is that that “healthcare” after a miscarriage only adds to the pain instead of helping?

I miscarried last Monday.  I called my doctor’s office — I don’t actually have a doctor any more since she moved several months ago.  And, the practice never even sent a letter to notify patients.  Anyway, I asked for a doctor I used to see.  They told me do a beta in two weeks and come in for an ultrasound in 4 weeks. Everything was what I’d consider normal for the rest of the week — about what I would expect.

Then, over the weekend, I had several episodes of extreme pain, heavy cramping and clotting.  Everything goes back to normal in between and then it just randomly happens again.

This isn’t normal for me.  I’m sure most people wouldn’t have any clue what a “normal” miscarriage for them would be, but sadly with this being my 5th, I do.

I decided that I should be seen immediately to make sure everything is ok and that all products of conception are gone.  I  called my doctor’s office and they were not able to work me in to be seen any time soon and finally their best offer was to be seen four days later by a nurse practicioner. I told them this is not routine and I am having problems. No sympathy, no favors, nothing. I told them to forget it. I could have asked to speak to the nurse, but I’m so frustrated with them that I decided to call the next doctor on my list.  I called my local RE’s office, and while they were sympathetic and trying to help, the doctor is out of town.  And, his on-call doctor can’t do ultrasounds?!?!  So, they told me to go to the ER if it happens again.

Great!  Because we all remember how well that worked out for me before.

So, I decided to call a brand new doctor that two friends recommended and see if I could be seen by him.  I wasn’t able to get an appointment until a week from now, but I made it just so I’ll be an established patient with him.  Because I’m absolutely firing my current practice.  (For numerous reasons…today was just the last straw and the motivation I needed to move on.)

But for now, I don’t know what to do.  Just wait and hope it gets better?  Or try to find yet another doctor? Go to the ER?

I could go to my primary RE’s office that’s 2 hours away, but really why should I have to travel 4 hours round-trip and take a day off from work for a simple visit? No.

This is absolutely ridiculous!  Why are complications with a miscarriage not important?  Why do I have to beg and plead to be seen? I have made immediate, same-day appointments with my doctor’s office for routine issues.  Why isn’t this a priority to them?  Maybe I should call back and say I have UTI…maybe that would warrant an immediate appointment, whereas this doesn’t.  Why can’t they work me in? Why can’t I get an appt before four days later with a practice of a gazillion doctors?  Well, the answer is because they suck!  And, I won’t be setting foot in there again.

Also, having to call multiple people for an appointment and having to explain why is taking my otherwise “ok” emotional state and turning it upside down.

I am tired of having to fight for every little thing. It just makes me so angry!  Angry for me.  Angry for others that don’t know what they need and are going through this.  Angry for those that aren’t outspoken like me and just go along with what these stupid offices tell them to do.  Just angry! Dealing with miscarrying is enough, but to have to jump through hoops to be checked out is just a slap in the face.  This is what their actions tell me: nobody cares about you, this is unimportant, it’s not a big deal.

It’s not right. It’s not fair. But, this is the way it is.

Oh, but they’ll be hearing from me.  I won’t go quietly.

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  • Oh, Whitney, I am so sorry!! That is terrible. They should definitely be treating this more seriously.

    I didn’t click the link to see what happened last time you went to the ER, but I think that if you can’t get anyone to take you seriously, and if you continue having problems, that’s what you should do.

    Chances are, it is nothing too serious. I know you have been through this (too many times!) before, and you know your body, so I am not trying to second guess you here, only add my own experience.

    When I had my mc, it was natural, no drugs, no d&c. There were about 3 or 4 different days when I thought, this is it, this is the mc, because of the cramping, bleeding and clotting I had. For, me, going through the mc was a process over several weeks, not a single moment in time.

    Still, you know your body. You are the expert. If you think you need medical attention, you are most likely right. So many things can go wrong during this process, and if that is what’s happening, it needs to be addressed as soon as possible.

    I am so, so terribly sorry that you’re going through this!!

    Thinking of you lots.

    xo

    Mara

  • That’s crazy. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this on top of having to deal with the miscarriage in the first place. *hugs*

    I think I’d go stage a sit-in in the office until the doctor can see me. Offer to come in before regular appointments start, or after they usually finish. It’s insane that they won’t see you (is there any way to contact the doc directly? email or voicemail?)

    Another option would be to call your primary RE and have him refer to you a local doc (or call your regular doc and tell him he needs to see you).

    It sucks you have to fight for this – firing them is definitely the right answer long-term.

  • I’m so sorry you are going through this. And how awful you can’t get seen…the last thing you need right now is to try to be sorting this out. I would go to the ER….that way you will be taken care of medically and not have to go through any more of trying to figure this out (the getting care part). Good luck and sending you tons of virtual hugs…

  • That’s so frustrating and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this crap from them! I hope that everything is OK and you feel better soon.

  • ebc

    i’m so sorry. you absolutely without a doubt deserve to be taken care of immediately and deserve a far better response when you call with a request such as yours. i’d either call back and make it sound even more emergent if that’s possible (“i’m gushing blood and folded in half in pain” which sounds like is what was going on at it’s worst) or go to the ER. but i totally agree…don’t go quietly. that’s beyond ridiculous.

  • Jay

    The thing that really makes me see red is the lack of compassion. They have to work with people having pregnancy loss all the bloody time, where is the kindness?

    After my D&C where all the POC had definitely been sucked out, I had two periods of such intense contractions I was doubled over in agony- later somebody told me it could have been my uterus returning to normal size. Hope that is the case with you, the last thing you need is any more medical intervention here.

  • Jess

    I am so very sorry for the lack of compassion. I really believe they just don’t care about micarriages at ob-gyn practices, particularly before 12 weeks. And it shows. I am just so sorry this is happening to you.

    I can say that my miscarriages with PIO were WORSE because of how thick the lining got from it. I also can say there was one time where I literally had contractions and it was awful. It did pass, but you know, can you throw a girl a bone- some opiates or something to make it easier?

    I am so sorry.

  • I cannot believe they won’t fit you in. Especially since they know your history. That is just awful patient care.

    I will say that it *can* be normal. Most of my miscarriages have been like what you’re describing and I have a later episode where the bad cramping and bleeding returns, and that’s usually when I pass the sac. I hope that what you’re experiencing is just normal miscarriage stuff and not a problem. But regardless, the doctor should fit you in. That’s just cruel.

  • I can’t believe you’re not receiving compassionate care from your docs – this is not acceptable. I’m so glad to hear you’re going to a different practice. And I hope that you figure out what’s going on. I’m so very sorry.

  • Kristel

    Hey Whitney, I’m so sorry to hear about all you’re going through. When I was experiencing my losses, I felt as though the RE’s office didn’t want me to come in because I was a reminder of them failing. I remember when I was in the middle of a miscarriage once I called in to the RE’s office to tell them of the problems I was having and I remember I got tossed from nurse to nurse before someone actually said … “we are too busy today to see you, but if you come to the office tomorrow we’ll see if we can fit you in.” WTH?!?!? Oh I saw RED!!! I walked in that office, that day, and demanded to see someone. I had to wait 20 minutes but you better believe someone finally took me back. That’s why I felt like they didn’t want me there because I reminded them that they were unsuccessful. I hope things clear up for you soon!! (((hugs)))

  • I am so sorry. Sharing your anger.

  • I’m outraged with you.

    I know that I had a LOT of cramping and clotting along with painful spasms that happened once or twice after I thought the miscarriage was “over.” So, I think what you are feeling is totally normal.

    But, I agree that you have the right to be seen or at least spoken to with a more sympathetic tone, if they can’t be empathetic. Hugs. I hope this passes soon.

  • So infuriating. I’m so sorry you’re being treated this way! Your feelings are completely valid and you deserve more courtesy and better care. Good luck with your new doctor!

  • Been thinking about you…hope you are doing OK with everything…

  • Andrea Ramsay

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