Adoption, Infertility

The economics of becoming parents

September 2, 2011

Why should I have to have a pile of money to be a mom?

Unfortunately, when you’re in my shoes, that’s what it comes down to.  It already took tens of thousands of dollars to get to where we are now, which is nowhere, if you’re keeping track.

Now, that we want to change our course and pursue surrogacy or adoption, it’s going to take a lot more money.  It makes me mad.

I don’t know how much we’ll need.  However much it is, the amount is daunting right now.  And, I want to earn “extra” money and not stop living now. Does that make sense?  It’s tough to walk this fine line.   This would be so much easier if we had not already tapped out many resources and spent so much on IVF. And, I’m still getting medical bills, which is a punch in the gut.

At least, I’m working on this part of it the best I can.  I have two things I’m doing to save money for adoption.

I’m selling my photographs!

I created a shop on etsy several months ago, but never really did anything with it.  Recently I added more photos.  So, if you like my stuff, I would be honored to sell you a print and you can know that it’s going towards a really good cause. 100% of the funds go directly to our adoption fund.  Or, if you wouldn’t mind sharing it with anyone you think might be interested, I would be grateful.  My Etsy photography shop.


Stella & Dot

Also, I love my new business with Stella & Dot.  It has given me something positive to focus on while going through treatment and after I lost the baby.  And, it’s pushing me clear out of my comfort zone.  I’m doing things I wouldn’t normally do.  If I weren’t doing this for this reason, then I probably would be doing it with a lot less tenacity.  Right now this is all I have to get me where I need to go.  I have high hopes and big goals, and I don’t know if this will take me there, but I have a shot.

So, I have to ask…If any of you know people that love jewelry, would you please share my site with them?  And, if anyone is interested in free jewelry, we can do an online “show” — just ask me about it.

I’m working hard.  It’s all I can do, but some days, I feel like a hamster on a wheel.

I feel desperate to succeed on a major level, because right now I have completely tied fundraising together in my mind with having a child.

Success = baby   |   No success = no baby



Does anyone have any ideas for how to raise money for adoption?  I would think about a loan, but for the amount, we’d never be able to afford to pay that payment and child care!?!  I am planning to look into adoption grants. I am cutting our budget and saving every month right now.

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  • Jess

    Boy do I feel you on this one. I will be sure to share your photos and jewelry site with everyone. But I also don’t want you to feel bad if you can’t raise money in this economy. It’s a toughie!

    1) I would suggest maybe having a fundraiser with family/ friends. Like a Beef and Beer type dealie with a raffle, so people weren’t out and out giving you cash straight up.

    2) Grant and loans. Keep in mind if you do adoption, you will get refunded by the government. So yes, you may need to double on child care but not forever. Last year they changed adoption from a credit to a full on refund. This year it was about $14,000 that got refunded. So this could pay back a loan later. Check to see if your employer has any adoption benefits. Pete’s place pays $2500 and mine $5000. So that’s $7500 to be applied to our debts.

    3) See this site for some ideas: or this:
    or here:

    4) Don’t count out the people you love as maybe giving you a little bit of money that you could pay back interest free. We were horrified to ask, but people were more open to helping us with adoption than IF treatments.

    5) Yard sale or online/ ebay yard sale- tell everyone 100% of profits go to adoption.

    Good luck!

  • Our church had a chili supper for a member who was adopting.

  • I think it’s wonderful that you are being so proactive in earning the money necessary for whichever path you choose. Your photographs are beautiful, and I really hope you sell tons of them!

  • It really is so unfair. It’s the salt in the wound. Sounds like you’ve got some awesome – and enterprising! – ideas already, and Jess had some good suggestions. Trimming budgets can be so hard, especially if you’re in a spot where you can’t sell your house and downsize. I think you’re smart to also try to walk a fine line between being thrifty and saving money, and still enjoying your lives while you’re going through this. One thing my husband and I have done to make saving easier is divert the money we want to save directly from our paychecks to a separate savings account, that way we never even see the money, and we can’t spend it.

  • I love your photos! and good luck with the Stella and Dot.
    I just came back from watching “Bad Teacher” and while she was really immoral, you have to admire her for using her talents. She wanted a boob job to catch this guy so she organised a car wash (with skimy outfit etc) and also stole the answers to some test so she could get a bonus. Ok this isn’t really helpful, but the point is – surely we can use our creative talents to make money to get to the goal of having a child? I’m going to somehow do this through the internet. Check out my website and I’m thinking about making a new one just for infertility, and am thinking up ideas.

  • It is incredibly unfair and the amount of money needed is overwhelming. I don’t have any good ideas right now, but I can relate. I am hoping that they renew the adoption tax credit–from what I understand as of right now it will revert to being a $5000 credit in 2012. Your pictures are beautiful!

  • The economics of becoming parents – I hate that it’s so expensive to do what others do for free. I like the ideas of the previous posters – I’ll keep thinking…

  • M&M

    I know what you mean. We have spent more than $50,000 of our hard-earned money on 3 IUIs and 5 IVFs. Nothing has worked for us. Now our bank account is as empty as our hearts. A few ideas to consider to raise money: “Conceive” magazine publishes a list of the top companies to work for with the best fertility and adoption benefits. You could go through this list and see if there is any way you or your husband could get a job with one of them. (2) If you own a home, consider opening a line of credit on your home to finance surrogacy or adoption. (3) Try listing your cause on and tell everyone you know about it and put it on your blog (I have a friend using this website to raise money to help her pay for alternative cancer treatments). (4) Apply for a grant with the Cade Foundation. Best of luck to you. You deserve to have your dreams granted.