Infertility, Our Infertility story

So far, so good

July 12, 2011

Update on IVF#6

I haven’t posted in a while, because I don’t know what to say.  Things are going well for the most part and this is new, uncharted territory for me.

We decided to go for one more IVF, our sixth, and that if it didn’t work, we’d face facts and pursue adoption.  We went through dark times trying to grieve the loss of our biological child.  We really were starting to wrap our heads around adoption.  I didn’t have much hope at all, but since we had two frozen embryos, we decided to to go for it one last time. In fact, I had no hope if I’m being honest.  I was just going through the motions.  Then, we had the embryo transfer and had our best thaw ever at 80% and 90% and I couldn’t believe it.  This is where low expectations are kind of nice, because then you get to be pleasantly surprised.

After the transfer, I got a little hope back.  I think it’s inevitable.  After having the embryos transferred, I couldn’t help but root for them.  If I don’t have hope for them, who will?  I hoped and prayed and felt pretty good about things.

Seven days after my transfer, I took a pregnancy test and got a nice dark line!  Then, my first beta was 355 – a great, huge number that anyone could be happy with.  Then beta#2 was less impressive as it did not actually double, but was normal with an 84% increase.  Then, the third beta more than doubled.  I thought I would go nuts on beta#3 day waiting for the phone call.  I was seriously going out of my mind and felt sick and was shaking.

I had my first ultrasound at 6 weeks 1 day and we saw a gestational sac and a yolk sac, but no fetal pole yet.  This was disappointing and inconclusive as it could have been just a tiny bit too early to see that yet.  So, now we wait for my follow-up ultrasound tomorrow at 6 weeks 6 days.  Tomorrow is make it or break it.

I’m scared to death.  I feel positive, but I can’t escape that voice in my head saying, “You’ve been pregnant before and it never worked out.”  I am terrified every time I go to the bathroom, afraid to see red.  Well, I’m trying my best to push that aside and enjoy this right now.  And, I have reason to because things are going well so far.  Also, I’ve been feeling nausea with more intensity and for longer periods of time, so that has to mean something, right?

But, really, I just don’t know how to take or share good news right now.  I sort of feel paralyzed to do or say anything, afraid that I will be jinxed.  (Stupid, I know!) I am content, but I feel a million other things too and it’s all so hard to describe.  I feel scared to be happy.  I feel scared to share any good news.  I feel like it could all be ripped away in an instant, because it has before.

But, I can’t control that and I’m not going to try to.  I will happy for this baby…for every day I have it and take it one day at a time.

As a friend said, “God makes babies, not IVF.”  Amen.  So, I’ll be praying a lot.  (And, if you’re the praying type, I’d appreciate your prayers, too.)

You Might Also Like

  • Jesika Bussey

    Prayers coming your way 🙂

  • Congratulations! I am saying prayers that everything will go well tomorrow and it was just too early last time.

  • Congratulations on IVF#6. Your numbers sound really really good and here’s hoping that things continue to progress well.

    It is definitely easy to give into the fear after IF and loss. I do hope you are able to enjoy each day that you are pregnant. It may not work out, but why fret over that all day when there is so much joy in the fact that right now, today, you are pregnant.

    Sending you thoughts and prayers.

  • Fingers crossed for a good ultrasound tomorrow. Early pregnancy is terrifying and stressful. I hope you’re able to ease your fears here soon.

  • Jay

    I just wish we were still naive enough to take the news that you are pregnant and be able to do a happy dance with it. We DESERVE that happiness minus the fear.

    Praying all goes well in the u/s tomorrow and all the many more to come. 6 weeks 1 day was too early to see anything other than what you saw. I think for now, it looks good and I hope and pray that it will continue to do so!

  • So happy you’re at this point! Hoping that everything looks great tomorrow!

  • EEEEEEEEEEE! This is wonderful news! I am sending you lots and lots of good thoughts for today’s ultrasound!

  • Thinking of you today! Hope to see another happy update soon!

  • Elizabeth

    I’ve been thinking about you and hoping that no news was good news and it is! I hope you continue to feel sick because that’s a good thing. It’s the most miserable and wonderful feeling in the world. Praying hard for you, girl!

  • Thinking of you and your ultrasound – I hope it goes great!!!

  • Oh wow oh wow oh wow oh wow!!
    That is such awesome news and and I am just so happy and excited for you!
    I WILL be praying for you. I just really pray this little love grows nice and strong and healthy for you.
    By the way I’ve missed your posts and its good to hear from you again.

  • C

    You absolutely have my prayers! Wishing you all the best!!

  • Nataly

    I came across your blog, while voting for the best book… I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Do not give up, enjoy every bit of it!
    Immune treatments made a HUGE difference for us. Hope they will work for you as well! You can write me an e-mail and I would be happy to share my experience.

    • Whitney Anderson

      Thanks, Nataly. We didn’t really do immune treatments (just prednisone for a few days for assisted hatching protocol). Good luck to you! =)

  • You are in my prayers and I hope that this little one is sticky and healthy for you!

    I’m starting my own infertility journey following a miscarriage and I find hope in reading your blog.

    Thank you!

    • Whitney Anderson

      Thank you so much. I’m so happy to hear that. I don’t feel like my blog is very hopeful, but I appreciate the compliment. Good luck to you in your journey.

  • I can’t remember how I got here, but this post clearly dictates exactly how I may feel if my 3rd IVF attempt has a positive beta. I am so so very happy for you. Seems I’ve started to become ‘the prayin’ type’ so I’ll be adding you to my prayers, and crossing my fingers. I’ll be rooting for you! 🙂

    • Whitney Anderson

      Thank you and Good luck to you, Christine.

  • That’s so great! So happy to see this news, Whitney! Will be saying lots of prayers for you…

  • Connie

    You know I’ve got you covered in that department! It’s amazing what God uses in our lives to draw us closer to Him. No matter what the outcome, continue to seek Him and rely on Him for everything!
    “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you,” Jeremiah 29:12
    “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”
    Psalm 18:2

  • Sending you super good vibes and wishing you all the best for this pregnancy! xo