You just never know when an insensitive comment is lurking around the corner.
Take today for example. A friend of a friend posted this on Facebook, “Some days I just wanna get my tubes tied.” Several other people commented things like “haha, me too.” Really? I thought I must have read that wrong. Read it again. Nope, it was like I thought the first time. (I also thought, “Hmmm…wonder if any of these superfertiles would like to surrogate for me before they get their tubes tied?”)
I’m sure she didn’t mean to offend anyone, but stop and think about what you are saying. And, besides what did this mean? She’s a young mom to a toddler, so did this mean that this was her newest pregnancy announcement or that she was fed up with her baby?
Either way, it made me upset that someone could be so flippant about something like that. So, I had to comment. She can say what she wants, but she said it publicly, so I thought I could reply in a courteous way. So, I wrote, “You should count your blessings that you have tubes and other parts that work so that you are able to have children. Take it from one of the millions of infertile people like me.”
Later, she commented again, ignoring my comment, and said, “It’s actually not [my son] that’s driving me crazy. Watching 3 kids every day is the best birth control.” Hmmm…this isn’t getting any better.
Yes, I know I’m overly sensitive to these things. I know that. But, these are inflammatory comments. Also, you’d be sensitive too if you had been what I have been through. It’s not a laughing matter. Also, I always feel like people should be careful what they wish for.
Here’s why this is a problem for me. It’s totally fine that she’s frustrated with three small kids. From what I understand, that would be tough. So, there’s a million things you could say about that that would not offend those of us dealing with infertility. But, first to mention sterilizing yourself and then to talk about being around kids as birth control. It’s a slap in the face to those of us who desperately want children, who have lost children and are still childless. This silly comment from a random person on Facebook was enough to bring me to tears today.
I know that ever since I have been going through this ordeal, that I try to be more aware of what I’m saying. For example, I used to say, “That’s retarded.” How completely inappropriate, right? What if someone with special needs had ever overheard that? I’m sure it would have made them sad or mad. There’s already too much pain in everyone’s lives to be causing unnecessary frustrations. After thinking, I felt bad that I had ever said that.
She has the right to say whatever she wants. My only hope is that for those that who do care about the feelings of others, to be careful what you say. Think about what you are saying.
What do you think? How do you handle these situations? Have you ever looked back and realized that you have done the same thing?