On this day one year ago, our surrogate told us that she had taken a positive pregnancy test.
We were so elated and hopeful. Thinking back to how we were feeling is incredibly emotional. I have been shocked at how emotional I am today.
I think I am finally realizing this is all over. Life has been crazy and wonderful and a total blur as well. I am just now processing it all.
I don’t have to constantly wonder if I will ever be a parent. I don’t have to do any more hormone injections. I don’t have to debate whether or not to keep trying. I don’t have to drive 6 hours round-trip to the reproductive endocrinologist for every visit. I don’t have to suffer another miscarriage (God willing). I don’t have to wonder if I will burst into tears for an untimely pregnancy announcement. There’s so much that was a part of my life that I don’t have to do any more.
Sure, I will still remember it all and certain things will sting every now and again. But, not like they used to.
It’s actually over. I feel like I can stop holding my breath and finally exhale and let it all go. All of the pent up frustration, sadness, anger. It can all go.
It’s crazy to think about all that we went through and we had no idea if it would ever work out. But, we did it anyway, even when things seemed bleak. We are one of the lucky ones. We made it through. Through our own persistence, through being lucky to afford treatment, through the ultimate kindness of a young woman and by the grace of God.
Infertility sucks so bad and now my heart hurts for everyone out there that is struggling.