I am kind of on “the other side” now. Not there quite yet, but not in the trenches of infertility either. This new normal is strange and wonderful.
I’m happy and still a little scared. I will be until the babies are here in my arms.
I am just feeling like a fish out of water. Content and grateful, but unsure of my new surroundings. It’s like I’ve been on the treadmill for so long, and I have just kept going, hoping not to fall off. But then, suddenly, I’m thrust onto to solid ground and my legs are still shaky.
I don’t know anything about pregnancy. I don’t know how to be expecting. I don’t know how to deal with talks of car seats and cribs.
I feel like an imposter.
I just don’t know what to do. Mother’s Day just passed and I received my first Mother’s Day cards and gifts — baby stuff. The very first baby stuff I have ever owned. I felt happy getting it, but it was strange at the same time. One gift was a locket from Nicole. ♥ And another was from my parents. I also got a very sweet gift in the mail from an old fertility forum friend. So sweet of her! I feel like I’m living someone else’s life for a day and I’m going to wake up soon.
Also, I am feeling some survivor’s guilt. Mainly for those that have been fighting for a really long time and and are running out of hope. We went through hell to get here and I know I shouldn’t feel guilty. I know that I can be happy for us and sad for others at the same time.
I have said previously that I do plan to blog about our babies and Nicole’s pregnancy, but I have had a hard time doing that and haven’t said much. I don’t want to offend any of you. But, this website is about my life, not infertility only. At times, it has seemed like solely an infertility website though because that’s what my life was. But, now, my life is changing and I want to embrace that.
So, if you’d like to still hang around, but prefer not to see baby stuff, just subscribe to this RSS feed, which excludes pregnancy posts.