Education, Infertility

How to deal with infertile couples

July 12, 2010

Today, a pregnant woman that I recently met said during lunch, “I don’t enjoy being pregnant.”  There is nothing wrong with what she said–I mean I’m sure there are lots of things that are uncomfortable during pregnancy.  However, it was really hard for me and came at a painful time.   She, of course, could never know how much I would LOVE to be pregnant and everything that comes with it –the sickness, the backaches, the tiredness, the weight gain, the fill-in-the-blank.

So, I’m asking all of you out there, please don’t take for granted what you have.  Please don’t complain about your pregnancy.  Please don’t add insult to injury to us women struggling with infertility.  Because you never know when one of us is among you. And, we would gladly trade places with you and experience whatever it is you are complaining about with a smile on our face and joy in our hearts.

My only hope for writing this is to make people more aware of infertility and pregnancy loss.  It’s hard for me to believe that this disease affects 1 in 8 couples, while there is so little awareness of it.

Here are some great etiquette tips from RESOLVE for dealing with couples with infertility.   Lucky for us, our family and friends have been amazing throughout this process, and it’s hard for us to see that they are suffering right along with us.

Unfortunately though, there are other people on the periphery of our life that could stand to be more compassionate,  including some medical staff.  I have already discussed one such situation here, that turned out good.

The best advice I can give to anyone dealing with someone in our situation is to acknowledge their struggle and/or their loss.  Do not minimize it.  And, avoid empty platitudes such as “Everything will be ok” or “Just relax”.   Also, I can’t speak for everyone, but we like for people to ask us how we are doing, not to ask details about what’s happening, but how are we actually doing.  It’s comforting to know that they are thinking of us and care enough to ask.

Infertility Video

And, finally, I would like to share a video that really explains what day-to-day life is like for those struggling with infertility.  It’s like a journey through our thoughts and fears.   This is such an amazing video, and I applaud Keiko for making it.

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  • Great video. Very touching & powerful.

  • Thanks for stopping by my blog, Whitney! This is a great post … this year I had to deal with a first time pregnant woman two doors down from me who spent her entire first semester complaining about being nauseous, making a big production out of closing her door whenever there was coffee being made, and in general complaining about the whole experience. It made me want to scream. Funny, though … I’m 12 weeks along now, and I haven’t said a single word to anyone about how I feel, except my husband! Perspective is everything.

  • Amber

    This is amazing! Exactly what I needed to read today! 2 of my close friends had babies within the last 6 months and 2 more of my close friends are pregnant right now. One is due any day now and she is constantly talking about how upset she is that here baby isn’t here yet. She even got majorly jealous because one of her friends had her baby early, while hers is coming later than planned. ugh. It is so hard to listen to that. My other friend that is pregnant is very ticked because someone asked if her pregnancy was planned. I wish gladly have both of those problems if I had the choice! Sorry for the rant. Thank you so much for writing this…you changed my life today!! 🙂

  • These are truly great insights for carefully dealing and interacting with infertile couples. These insights are indeed effective on how to be sensitive with their condition. Thanks for sharing.