Education, Infertility

Crossing the line with, “Why don’t you adopt?”

December 13, 2012

So we all know people that say, “Have you ever thought of adopting?”  Not really helpful, but ok. They usually mean well for the most part.

But then, when that morphs into something more judgmental, more ignorant and more arrogant — it crosses the line.

It goes something like this…

I don’t know why you are bothering with all of these fertility treatments.  There are so many babies out there that need homes anyway, so why don’t you just adopt?

These comments are proliferating across the internet.

I’m thankful that these views are coming from strangers and not my family and friends.

You’ll find this type of opinion in the comments of pretty much every single article, blog post, or video about infertility with a widespread audience. There’s usually a whole gaggle of people ready to throw their unenlightened remarks at you.

For me, they are not simply asking a question or pointing out a solution, but rather taking aim at my decisions, my journey and my plight. The comments are completely uneducated.

Well, I’m tired of biting my tongue. I’m tired of feeling bullied. I take offense. Big time.

You know what, people? It’s really none of your business. However, that being said, I will attempt to break this down even though I shouldn’t have to.

For the “I don’t know why you are bothering with all of these fertility treatments” part

It’s a deeply personal choice. It’s my choice.  This is a disease and I have the right to treat it.

It’s so offensive to hear this. It somehow downplays what we have been through. It says you are too stupid to make decisions about your life and your body.

Sometimes these comments are aimed at anyone experiencing infertility, but sometimes I think they are a cheap shot that are aimed at those like me who have been through the ringer with infertility treatments.  Yes, we did IVF six times, but along the way, we discovered different problems and treated them.  After we couldn’t find anything else wrong and it still didn’t work, the doctors no longer had hope and neither did we.  I’m not an idiot. I know that there is a line between persistence and delusion.

I also have the right to attempt to have a biological child, if that’s what I want. Yes, that is what I want. Most everyone else wants this, too. Why do I get singled out and talked down to because I want this?

For the “Why don’t you adopt?” part

Some of us just do not want to adopt for a myriad of reasons.  We just don’t have the heart for it or don’t feel it would be right for us.  End of story. It’s not a good situation for anyone involved if adoption is forced upon someone. What birth mother would would want to choose adoptive parents that were unsure or uncomfortable with the idea of adopting?

Some of us want to adopt, but can’t afford it.  Adoption is expensive.  Like buying a Mercedes expensive.  It can be much more expensive than infertility treatments.  Adoption costs anywhere from $20,000 – $60,000 and up.  A basic insemination procedure costs $300.  A round of IVF costs around $10,000.  None of this is cheap, least of all adoption.

So, when these kinds of comments are bantered about, it crushes some people because they desperately do want to adopt.  Yes, they know it’s an option, before you mentioned it.

Now, as for the whole “There are so many children out there that need homes” business

Number 1. See above. Adoption is not right for everyone.

Number 2. Even if someone wants to adopt, many times they want to adopt a baby.  It’s a personal choice.

We have already lost the ability to be pregnant.  We have lost the ability to carry a child.  We have lost the ability for our child to share our DNA. Now, we don’t want to miss out on anything else. We want to know our child from as close to the beginning as possible. We want to do diapers and the whole nine yards. We want to see all of the firsts — rolling over, crawling, walking, talking, etc.  We want to hold a sleeping baby on our chest. We don’t need to apologize for this.

Contrary to popular belief, there are more adoptive-parents-to-be than there are babies.  There are huge wait times for adoptive families to adopt an infant…years!  And, the cost is outrageous.

And, yes, unfortunately there are many older children who need homes.  It’s a really sad situation, but it’s not ours to solve.  It doesn’t fall to the infertile to give homes to orphans. 


Fostering to adopt is a great option for some people, even for those that want newborns.  However, we knew that this option was not viable for us.  We have already experienced so much loss.  There is NO way I would take the chance of falling in love with a baby, only to potentially have them ripped right back away from me.  It would be my undoing.

And, finally, who are these outspoken commenters?

Surely, they have never experienced infertility.  And, I think it’s a safe bet to say that they either: have biological children sitting at home or don’t have kids and don’t want kids.

Well, isn’t it easy for you to say these things? My question to you is, why didn’t you adopt? Or, why don’t you?  You decided at some point that you wanted children.  So, why didn’t you use birth control and adopt instead?

Oh, what, it’s different for you?  Oh, ok…gotcha!

These questions are unfair no matter whom is being asked.


What do you think?  Do you get these kinds of comments from people?  How does it make you feel? If you’re not infertile, what do you think about this?

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  • missohkay

    Hear hear! Great post. Furthermore, as someone who adopted from Africa, I am offended by the random hateful commenters’ suggestions that kids in the US are somehow more deserving of being adopted than kids who, by geographical fluke, were born somewhere else. Kids who face diseases that are virtually non-existent in the US. Kids who are dying of malnutrition. I want US kids to have homes too, but should we ignore the children of the world until everyone in our country has a home? Adoption is full of tough decisions and people should be free to make the one that feels right to them.

    • Whitney Anderson

      Thank you so much for adding your thoughts. I completely agree. There’s so much wrong with that particular comment…it’s outrageous.

    • Carolyn Pruett

      Amen. We adopted from China after losing both bio babies to stillbirth. Our son was 14 YEARS old when we brought him home. Are there orphanages in the US with “dying rooms”? In China there is no Medicaid and you have to pay for tx in advance. Our son was cleft-affected… probably why this beautiful, otherwise healty baby was abandoned…. MONEY. He wasn’t available for adoption for many years due to a paperwork glitch listing him as female. Does one’s orphan status in te US follow them for LIFE like it does in China and be used as a reason to deny education and employment? Are US kids tossed out of the system at 14 to go work (in an area with 25% unemployment) in the factories or prostitute????

      Piss piss moan moan…. Have these ppl ever SEEN a Chinese orphanage? It’s very cold in the winter in Northern China…. babies aren’t bathed in months because they have no running water… They were “split pants” (they look like assless chaps) and where the kid squats is where they go if caregiver can’t regiment their pee/poo schedule. The conditions a child in the US would be removed FROM are the type of environments Chinese orphans are taken TO. There were 500 kids in my son’s orphanage and 3 orphanages in his city of 10 million.

      The US system gives the birth parent(s) too many chances before TPR and the children are collateral damage as they bounce between parent(s) and foster home(s). I know of one family whose kids (about age 8 and 10) have been in FC for three years and have ad regular visits with their BM. Now FINALLY she has been TPR’d and the kids are going apecaca because they have been cut off from her. Really? REALLY? Did it take THREE YEARS to determine BM wouldn’t get her act together????
      FURTHERMORE, adoption is not a “Fix” for infertility. It is a grief process to grieve the loss of fertility and for those who also had loss (so a body that was able to concieve but not bring forth a live child), it’s even more complicated. Having our son has fulfilled our desire to parent. We’re in our 40s and really felt a teen would be better suited to our life based on his needs, skills and abilities. He is a Mandarin speaking Mini me.

  • Jess

    Great post, Whitney! I could not sum it up better myself! Two things I’d like to say, as one who DID adopt. 1) It took us approximately 4 years- 4 YEARS to save up enough money AND get comfortable with the idea. Inseminations were free for us. 2) I would like nothing more to adopt for a second child, but simply cannot afford it again. (Without winning the lottery.) I am being forced to reconsider treatments for a second child even though I have NO desire to do them. But, I really want my daughter to have a sibling. And I guess, that too, would be considered wrong in these people’s eyes…. Ugh! Stay out of our business and very very personal decisions!

  • Michaela Szidloski

    This: “This is a disease and I have the right to treat it.” I have tried to explain many times!! And the NUMBER 1 reason treatments should be covered by insurance. I’ve told people…a major system in my body is not functioning properly…if it was my stomach no one would say: “Oh well, you can choose not to eat!!”

    Also I am an adoptive parent in waiting…and waiting…and I have a friend that is fostering and she keeps going on and on about how I should foster and there are so many kids and I would be placed right away. I was constantly trying to explain to her why I don’t want to foster. So one day she is talking about adopting her foster kids and says something about including their mother in holidays etc. So I turn to her and say: “See, that’s exactly why I don’t want to foster. I don’t want to include a mother…I want to be the mother”.

    I finally think she got it!!

    Thank you for this post!

    I hope it opens up not only peoples eyes but the hearts and some kind of understanding how devastating this really is….

    • Rocky

      I’d hardly compare not being able to have kids with not being able to eat. Will your body literally shut down and die if you don’t have a baby?

    • Dean Abele

      I’m infertile and the “just adopt” argument annoys me. But I still don’t think that other people should have to pay for my fertility treatment. Child-rearing is a choice after all.

  • Elisabeth

    Wonderful post Whitney! This seems to come up a lot and I agree with every single thing you said. I want to print it out and hand it to people.

  • Julie

    We tried for THREE years to adopt from the US foster care system. After being given one more shot at carrying my own baby with donor embryos, we returned to adoption (in our state you cannot pursue adoption while having infertility treatment – which is also beyond dumb), and we were told we could no longer qualify financially to adopt FROM THE US FOSTER CARE SYSTEM! We need some serious overhauling of the Foster Care System if they would rather keep children in care rather than let them be adopted by a loving family willing to open their hearts and home. You are killing it Whitney! Keep up the good work!!! -Julie

  • AMEN!!! This post is everything I haven’t been able to say for 5 years. Especially the part about it not being an infertile womans responisibility to rescue the children of the world. If people are so distraught by their situation, then maybe they should adopt. I have the RIGHT to spend my money how I want to, and I want to continue trying IVF until I say I’m done!

  • LIbbi

    I hate it. It drives me crazy. And we have friends who say it. One was adopted, but he’s our age and doesn’t realize how things have changed since he was a child (that and his adoptive parents are rich). This is also the same person who didn’t warn us that they were trying to get pregnant and then announced their pregnancy insensitively. Not really thinking of them as friends anymore.

    I’ve read about too much pain. I know the cost. I know that even if you do get the chance to adopt a baby, you may not get the baby. People who want to adopt have so few rights in the process yet are made to pay thousands of dollars just for a chance. And you’re right, infertility treatments are less expensive and are more likely to give us the end we really want. What little girl grows up thinking, “I want to adopt someone else’s baby”? I know I grew up pretending to be pregnant, dreaming of being a mommy, have a gaggle of children. Now I’ll be lucky if I can even have one.
    And it breaks my heart.

  • Very beautifully written. You’re right, you don’t have to defend your choices to anyone. But I’m so glad that you wrote this. I’ve shared with my friends and family because you are so much more eloquent than I could ever hope to be. Thank you! 🙂

  • Karen

    I’ve really learned to just ignore remarks of this nature because unless you know what I’m feeling and experiencing, I cannot explain it. Before I met my husband, I had no biological desire to have a biological child. But something just changed after I met and fell in love with him. More than anything, I want a child with his beautiful DNA. And I do think there is something biological behind it that I cannot control. We are, after all, meant to reproduce. I love children and would love a house full of them, adopted or otherwise, but I will not apologize to anyone for also wanting a biological child with my husband. My life would be infinitely easier if I wasn’t burdened with this biological drive, but I am, and only a few can understand my heartbreak that the thing I want most isn’t possible. Try living with that before you judge.

  • Jen

    I’ve had this from an immediate family member, and while I’d love to say to them ‘why don’t you adopt?’ (as she has two children) I know her answer would be – ‘I would have tried if I couldn’t have kids’. They always have an answer, don’t they? Those who are fertile just simply cannot put themselves in our shoes, or they wouldn’t ask such stupid, obvious questions.

    Great post.

  • Even if you DO decide to “just adopt,” you can be criticized for going the domestic route (“there are TRUE orphans in other countries”) and for going the international route (“why go there when there are people in need here?” a la Mr Nixdorf).

    I’m impressed the people who are so good at running their own lives (shout out to Mr Nixdorf!) that they automatically qualify to run others’.

  • Battynurse

    Here from Mel’s blog round up and all so very well said. I never tend to be quite so eloquent with the saying but I have tried to make these points in the past. While I don’t entirely rule to adoption I do sort of doubt it will happen. The cost, attitudes, processes and everything else have sort of soured me to the whole idea.

  • Amy

    Comments like these make me want to hurt someone. I think you outlined the reasons why they’re hurtful very well. I would add that not all adoptions succeed, either. I know more than one couple who was devastated to have an adoption fail at the las minute, equating that loss to a death. Our society is so fond of throwing meaningless platitudes about, and comments about adoption – as if that’s the best solution ever and why didn’t WE think of that ourselves?! – are no exception.

    I had expressed at one point on my blog why adoption was not an option my DH and I were considering, and I was tipped a new one by a (former, now) friend who had adopted for treating adopted kids as third class citizens, as less than…when all I was doing was expressin why adoption WAS a last resort option for us. Truly, he whole topic makes me feel sick to my stomach. If ever there were third class citizens in this conversation, it’s those of us who are infertile.

    • Amy

      Sorry for all the iPhone typos…I was so passionately commenting I didn’t correct the spell checks!

    • Whitney Anderson

      I agree. Bottom line is that it is none of anyone’s business. The audacity of some people (your former friend included) amazes me.

  • Well I did get those comments when I was trying to conceive. And now that I have adopted, I can say that I probably wouldn’t have given birth to such an amazing child. 🙂 In between all of that, the dream of the child I never had haunted me for years. I grieved for a really long time. Adoption cured my childlessness, but it did not erase the damage of infertility. Adoption is an exceptionally complex thing that has huge implications for everyone involved, more than I ever dreamed. It is definitely not for everyone. The people who say, “Just adopt” this have no idea of what they are talking about. None. It is the fallback remark of the ignorant.

  • Whitney, brilliant and well spoken!

    People seem to think that adopting is a matter of going down to the local Catholic church to pick up a baby. Fat chance. If it were THAT easy, I’d be a father right now, as we speak. But no, adopt in the United States and you are probably going to get stuck in an “open adoption,” which, more often than not, you are treated like a glamorized baby sitter for a narcissistic “birth mother” (code word for “the REAL mother”). Even with international adoptions, someone will always manage to get their hooks in you. Adoption is a “seller’s” market. Adopting parents are expected to make all kinds of physical and psychological concessions because, hey, you are being given the miracle of life, right?

    My wife and I have always wanted to adopt after having two children of our own, even before my wife and I realized we had fertility issues. We saw some credibility in the merits of adoption and giving a good and loving life to a person that might not otherwise have one. But that process is by no means some easy substitute for fertility problems.

  • john

    “I also have the right to attempt to have a biological child, if that’s what I want”

    Agree about the right to *attempt* via ethical means, but that is not the same as right to *succeed*. Nobody has a ‘right’ to a child as if one is owed to him/her. A child is a gift from God, to be accepted only when given, not misappropriated. If we misappropriate the authority to make new souls via IVF, what stops us from claiming the authority to do human cloning or anything else that undermines the sanctity of human life?

    “This is a disease and I have the right to treat it.”
    You indeed have the right to maintain and make healthy your body. Heck, can even call it an obligation. However, stewardship over your God-given body & rendering it suitable for pregnancy doesn’t extend to the authority to create new souls.

    Also totally agree that adoption has become unreasonably expensive and favours too much the BM. However, do the (practical) flaws of adoption excuse the (moral) flaws of IVF? Your whole argument can be summed up as “I want to”. Instead of fixating on your want, should give more thought on what you ought & ought not.

    • Whitney Anderson


      You talk about God a lot. Are you a Christian? Does it make you feel like a good Christian to come here to my online space and say these things to someone who has struggled so much? Since you aren’t interested in adopting, how did you even come across this post? Just out trolling for someone to enlighten with your all-knowing opinion? After perusing my analytics, I do believe you’re the person who searched “judgmental infertility support group” to find my blog. Interesting Google search, I must say.

      I am a Christian. I don’t make life, God does. Just in my case, doctors have to help the process along. Ever heard those stories about the guy being trapped in a flood, but passing up help from a passing boat, helicopter, etc because he was waiting for God? When those were the ways God was trying to save him? Same here. God is working through my doctor. “Misappropriate the authority to make new souls via IVF” — Seriously? Yes, I have the God-given desire to have children and I have the right to try to conceive. Why does anyone else have the right to conceive and make new souls? I do, too. Just with medical help because I have a DISEASE. There’s no difference. I didn’t choose this.

      IVF and human cloning…seriously? Are you really comparing the two?

      I never said that adoption favors the birth mothers. Also, I do NOT see this as a contest. It’s people like you that are judging me because we didn’t adopt.

      You don’t get to be the judge. Not of me and not of my choices. I have ONE judge and he’s sitting on his almighty throne.

  • john

    “And, finally, who are these outspoken commenters?… My question to you is, why didn’t you adopt?”

    I can answer that I’m not in a financial position to fork out over $10K for adoption. Yet, regardless of your dissenters’ situation, none of that justifies your choice, no matter how personal it is.

    This isn’t a contest of who is better, who adopted more kids; though you may perceive it as such. Whether your dissenters adopted 0 or 6 kids have no bearing on the moral standing of IVF.

  • Kimberly

    What a wonderful post!! I truly hate reading any comments section to an article on infertility because that is the only thing you read. People deciding that the infertiles of the world should be the ones to do all the adopting. I defend my choices in the comments of these articles and many get all high and mighty thinking that I know nothing of adoption. They decide to educate me on what I should do until I tell them that my husband was adopted as a newborn and I’m well aware of the benefits, pros, cons and costs and work that go into an adoption. Everyone’s reason is personal and it needs to be respected.

  • Tricia

    OMGosh!!! This is what I’ve been waiting for to tell people. I’ve had 2 miscarriages, and am not even close to where you are in the infertility treatments and I have already gotten the “why don’t you adopt” thing. I’ve thought about it, and I might do it ONE day…but my heart yearns for MY baby. I’m not a BAD person because of this. Thank you for putting a voice to these feelings.

    • Why do you want a baby of your own blood? Do you have any pets…would you love them any less if they were rescued from the shelter? I’m not hating, I’m just curious.

  • Katie

    I am a mother who has infertility issues and recurrent miscarriages. I have had 5 miscarriages. We are Catholic and have not pursed AI or IVF, but have recently started with a Napro-technology physician, who has been able to explain our “unexplained infertility”. I have 3 children, 2 through domestic adoption, 1 biological. We were able to adopt them as babies. One was through an agency and yes, the cost was high. Luckily, we received the tax credit. Our second was a private adoption and it was through word of mouth that we connected with the birthmom. Both adoptions happened within months of us actively seeking adoption. Adoption is challenging, but so rewarding. We couldn’t tell the birthmoms what to eat, how to exercise, not to do this or that…it was all in God’s hands and sometimes that letting go was the hardest part. I just wanted to let you and your readers know that it is possible to adopt, raise a child without your physical characteristics, and to continue to hope and treat infertility. My youngest is 7 months old and we often forget who is adopted and who is not. It doesn’t really matter because we love all of them so much and we are all of their forever Mommy and Daddy. I hope that you are able to parent a child or children as this seems to be your deepest heart’s desire, and what a good and holy desire it is. May God bless you and your family.

  • Josie

    My Mother In Law kept at me to just complete the adoption application. She knew a couple that did that and they got pregnant. She is an intelligent woman and she means well. But it feels tremendously hurtful.

  • Kari

    LOVE this post. “It doesn’t fall to the infertile to give homes to orphans.” Perfectly stated. Why can’t those who struggle with infertility have the same reasons for not considering adoption as those who aren’t struggling with infertility? When a couple is expecting a child or trying to conceive again, do people ask them “why don’t you consider adopting?” No. The other side: It’s also rude to ask someone if or when they are going to have more kids… or “You’re pregnant AGAIN?!” or “Are you done having kids yet?” There are rude comments/questions no matter your situation. But I do feel that when it comes to infertility, yes, we should be more sensitive with our comments and questions.

  • Hmm, crossing the line with “Why don’t you adopt?” LOL really. Suggesting someone make a sensible choice that would positivity effect our environment, economy and most of supplying a child with a healthy home (THE HORROR!). How about ‘crossing the line’ with the question aimed towards child-free-by-choice women “Why don’t you have children? You would be a great mom, etc”. I sympathize with you though if you have felt social pressure to pro-create. Women should not feel any less than a woman if she does not have a baby. That is another issue though…not of this topic.

    “Contrary to popular belief, there are more adoptive-parents-to-be than there are babies. There are huge wait times for adoptive families to adopt an infant…years! And, the cost is outrageous.” – Quite a sweeping opinion of the adoption system. How you ever actually tried to adopt? How did you come to this conclusion? SOURCES PLEASE.

    Babies can be adopted too. Yes not as babies are adopted as full-grown children, but it really seems unfortunate if that is the reason you chose to not adopt. Sad to say, babies are not babies forever. Just like puppies don’t stay puppies forever. Also, it’s as if you paint children that come from adoption centers as somehow inferior. I figure you view animals from the pound as inferior as well? Many people choose to adopt from a pound or rescue shelter because there are a lot of unwanted pets. Rescued pets deserve just as much love; and their owners love them just as much as a pet obtained from a breeder. Why should adopting children be any different?

    However, it is ultimately your decision. No one can make you do what you don’t want to do. But instead of getting mad, embrace that fact that as a female human being you have the right to chose and make educated choices.

    • Yes, that’s my whole point. I have the right to CHOOSE. It’s my choice. People shouldn’t try to force something upon me. Like your holier-than-thou opinion above.

    • Shelly

      Actually most people who have been involved in the adoption process or have adopted would back her up that adoption IS in fact an incrediblely hard process. This is no secret. It’s always explained why adoption is not always an option, yet STILL so many morons insist adopting is the only right way to have a child. Would you say that to a fertile woman? Would you say to a pregnant woman, “you should of adopted instead, its better for the environment and you give an already existing child a home!”? No, you wouldn’t. If you wouldn’t say it to a fertile person, don’t say it to an infertile person. Bottom line.

  • Lisa Parsons

    “It doesn’t fall to the infertile to give homes to orphans.”

    By the same token, it doesn’t fall to the people of the world to feel sorry for you when there is famine, cancer, genocide and problems far beyond what you can even imagine.

    Infertile people always want everyone to feel sorry for them. As I’ve matured I can see their point more–I used to have no sympathy for them at all. But I still don’t have much.

    There are worse things than not being able to create more people on an earth that already has plenty.

    • Shelly

      Believe me Lisa, we don’t expect sympathy when we share our stories or bring up our infertility. We are used to people making horrible, callous remarks to us.

      Is infertility worse than the things you mentioned, no, but then again I highly doubt someone capable of making such a cold remark has much empathy for other people suffering to begin with.

  • Rocky

    Alright, but I sure hope the author is as passionate about reproductive rights for other people as she is for herself (childfree, abortion, those who want to have extremely large families, ect.) If so, than carry on.

  • Claudia

    Thank you for posting this. I have never voiced that “why don’t you adopt” question but have often felt it bubbling under the surface (I know better than to ask) when I hear of people moving heaven and earth to have their own kids. For some reason that I can’t quite articulate, I remember from a very young age thinking it was selfish of people to insist on having their own biological kids when there were so many in need of adoption….and that was before I even knew about fertility issues. Obviously, now that I’m older I can understand why people would want their own kids, but it’s sometimes hard for me to shake this particular judgemental belief I have. Knowing that adoption is a lengthy and expensive process has helped because I always make that excuse for people when I’m trying not to be judgemental…but “it’s their decision should be enough”….I’ve literally never told a soul, other than my husband, because I know how hurtful this would be to someone…..trying not to be awful over here

    • Whitney Anderson


      I think it’s very brave of you to post your real feelings here and to think through it. If I have given you anything at all to think about it, then I’m honored to have helped provide another viewpoint. Also, I’m happy to hear that even though you’ve thought this, you have never been so blunt as to ask someone. Kudos for that! 🙂 Adoption is very complicated — beautiful, but complicated and just not for everyone.

      Best wishes,


    Hello to those of you looking for baby to adopt, I’m Mr JELANI by name and am from Maryland USA, lots have a set of twins, boy and girl here, they don’t have all it takes to take care of them as they have made their decision to put them for adoption, interested couples looking forward to adopt the babies should please , they don’t just want the little children to suffer anymore please HELP by coming to take them from US thank you very much..

  • Emma

    I don’t understand why IVF is legal, or why adoption is so difficult? If I ever decide I want a child I will most certainly adopt. Even though I am able to reproduce. I feel it is deeply irresponsible to bring a child into the world, be it through IVF or the ‘normal’ process when there are so many children in the world who have no parent(s). Bringing a child into the world is depriving an existing child of a life worth living. As I know that already the young adults created through IVF are displaying dramatically higher levels of serious mental illness and many suffer from sterility, which is surprising. I suspect that many parents who used IVF would have thought twice about using it at all. And probably only created one child with it, if they had had it properly explored. My distant cousin used surrogate program in Ukraine. Firstly they were looking into adoption. They spent 3 years trying to adopt. But they with husband were rejected as she didn’t work at that time. We don’t communicate much, but on last Christmas party, she told that they expected baby to be born in August. They paid fixed sum and sign a contract. So they surrogate mom don’t blackmail them. They completely satisfy with that clinic in Kiev.

    • Whitney Anderson


      You are a fraud and a troll. I searched all the other comments you have made on blogs and websites and you are infertile yourself and have sought treatment. So, the audacity of you coming here, to my website, and preaching to me about how I shouldn’t use IVF to treat my disease, is mighty rich indeed.

      Some quotes from you:

      “I`m infertile. So I know what it is. We searched for the clinic more than two years. It was rather difficult. We were not able to go to expensive clinic.”

      ” In short after 6 years of tests and consulting specialists we still did not conceive. The reason given was that I had PCOS. I did not ovulate without medication. Surrogacy was suggested as a solution. Now we are looking for a clinic in the East Europe.”

      “After my husband and I began trying to conceive, we learned that I had some problems with my ovaries. They were removed surgically. So we decided to try fertility treatments. But they gave no result. Finally we decided on IVF. “

  • Jessica

    I think the IVF and adoption issues are wholly different and should be treated as such. If a couple wants to have a baby that is biologically theirs and surely you must see that this is what is meant by ‘their own’. Who is anyone for that matter, to question that desire? Using ART you can become a parent of a child who will be genetically absolutely your own. I consider this fact is great. My husband and I had IVF in the Ukraine. Biotexcom give us all the kind of services. Food, accommodation so we didn`t have to worry about anything. The food is not the same as in Italy, but was still fine. In our case we chose the unlimited attempts because it gave us guarantee which we were expecting. And for the middle class the most adequate option is to have a program with a fixed price. That`s why we decided for this program. It is amazing in this meaning. We were so lucky because we had gone through all the process approximately in 11 months. Now we have our baby, who is healthy and strong, and we are happy about that.