Infertility, Our Infertility story

Beta #2 Day

June 16, 2010

I’m posting several posts related to our June embryo transfer retroactively.  As things were happening, I wasn’t ready to share.  I ended up miscarrying on July 2, 2010.  I have decided to share this information now that it is all over to educate everyone on what infertility really means, what it’s like to live with and go through.  It’s something I never could have imagined ten years ago.  It is my hope that someone reading this may be comforted that they are not alone or that others reading this might be able to understand our or others’ situation better.  That is my only reason for sharing my feelings so openly, as I know that many of us are unable to be so forthcoming.

June 16, 2010 – 1:30 pm

This morning started off really bad.  As soon as I woke up, I had some spotting.  I immediately felt a sense of dread and panicked.  I’ve been down this road before and it wasn’t pretty.  I felt like my balloon was deflated–the growing confidence that was starting to develop has vanished.

Then, I had to get through day 2 of Lovenox injections and believe it or not, but today was worse than yesterday. Erick tried injecting it slower today, as I’d read that other women find that helpful.  It made it worse for me.  I just can’t believe it hurts as bad as it does.  It’s like the liquid coming into my body is laced with tons of little knives and it just hurts and aches like hell.   It’s like if I had a wound and someone were jabbing their hand into it.  It lasts for about 5-10 minutes.  This is going to require me to get up earlier in the morning to add this routine every morning.  But, I will do anything I have to do.

I am now waiting for my phone call.  I am nervous and anxious beyond belief.  I can feel my heart just beating overtime.  I have called the actual lab to see if they got the results and they did.  I asked if they faxed to my doctor as per the stat instructions and they hadn’t been?!? So, the lady said she would right then.   Then, I called my nurse and left her a message saying that she should be getting the results momentarily.  But, I’m still waiting.  Ahhh!!!  C’mon – put me out of my misery.

2:30 pm

Not good news!  My beta was only 178.  It was 128 two days ago and should have doubled.  I was not expecting this at all.  I feel pretty much devastated…beaten down.  I don’t know if my poor battered and bruised emotions can take much more.  The nurse said I’m to go back again in 2 days for another beta.  I really am expecting the worst (90%), and trying to hope for the best (10%).  Someone suggested a vanishing twin might explain my symptoms.

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