Infertility, Surrogacy

How to do surrogacy on your own (Independent Surrogacy)

April 2, 2012
crib - independent surrogay

Gestational surrogacy can be quite complicated, so I wanted to share what I have learned.  Typically, surrogacy is outrageously expensive, but there are some ways to make it happen for less. It is my hope that this information might help others re-evaluate independent surrogacy as an option.

Want to know how much you can save by going solo without an agency?

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What is it?

Gestational surrogacy is where a gestational carrier becomes pregnant with the genetic embryo of another couple through IVF, carries the fetus throughout the pregnancy and delivers the child for the intended parents.

Is surrogacy legal?

Yes, it is legal in Virginia, but it is not in some states. Laws vary widely from state to state, so you’ll have to do research in your state.  The best thing to do is to go ahead and find an experienced surrogacy attorney and consult with them before you get started.  Then, you will be ready when it comes time for the surrogacy contract between you and the carrier.

FDA Requirements
In addition to state laws, your clinic must operate under FDA rules and regulations, which essentially is to prevent the spread of disease.  So, intended parents and the gestational carrier need to be free of disease so as not to infect the carrier or the baby.

Example: Virginia Laws
There are two ways to handle surrogacy in Virginia: pre-approved and non pre-approved.  To my knowledge, hardly anyone ever does it as pre-approved, which would require both couples to have home studies done.  Here are the basic requirements:

  • The carrier must have had at least one live birth.
  • If the carrier is married, then her husband must be a party to the surrogacy contract.   All parties must enter into the surrogacy agreement.
  • All parties must receive counseling — both intended parents, the surrogate and her husband (if applicable)

Steps to take

These steps are not set in stone as to the order.  One through five is a good place to start, but after that, you can do things in a different order. For me, it was about doing the deal-breaker type things first and the less expensive things first.

  1. Come up with a budget.
  2. Talk to your clinic.
  3. Find an attorney.
  4. Find a surrogate and review her insurance policy.
  5. Discuss money and treatment decisions with the surrogate and come to an agreement.
  6. FDA Testing Requirements
  7. Do psychological pre-screening for surrogate and counseling for intended parents and surrogate and her husband.
  8. Complete the legal agreement with your attorney.
  9. More Pre-IVF screening for surrogate (hysterosalpinogram and trial embryo transfer)
  10. Get started!

Want to know how much to expect to pay if you do it on your own?

Get independent surrogacy estimate
Or, get ALL of the information and learn more about my complete guide to independent surrogacy.

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31 Comments

  • Reply jaclyn April 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Good luck! I hope it all works out for you. If surrogacy in Virginia doesn’t work out, would you be willing to consider surrogacy done internationally? I’ve read about clinics in India that are much cheaper than domestic surrogacy, but it does open new ethical concerns. Best of luck to you.

  • Reply Lindy April 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Whitney, I love that you compiled and shared this info in an easy-to-understand format! Thank you for this and I’m praying that the rest of your surrogacy adventure goes smoothly. Looking forward to updates here and on Facebook!

  • Reply lostonthemountains June 7, 2012 at 11:45 pm

    I love this compilation of yours,it is very informative without being overwhelming. Best wishes!

  • Reply Jen July 7, 2012 at 2:02 am

    I very badly want to be a gestational carrier, but I haven’t ever had a pregnancy. My husband and I don’t want children of our own, but would love to help another couple! Do you know if there’s any way around the law regarding one live birth?? Thank you!

    • Reply Whitney Anderson November 12, 2012 at 7:43 pm

      Jen, I don’t think so. Not in VA, but you could possibly do this in another state? Maybe if the intended parents were in another state? I’m not sure.

  • Reply Nicole August 9, 2012 at 3:52 am

    Thank you for sharing the process. I was having a difficult time in finding the overall process of gestational surrogacy in Virginia. I hope very much that everything works out and, at this point, is going smoothly. My husband and I have just agreed to start the journey of giving someone the gift that we get to enjoy in our two girls and can only hope to find the most perfect intended parents who have also done similar research and have an overall plan. Again, thank you for sharing your knowledge it gives great insight! <3

  • Reply Wen August 17, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    Thank you so so much for putting this together. My husband and I are just starting to talk about this possibility (and we live in Virginia) so all of this information is super helpful. THANK YOU!! And best of luck to you!

    • Reply Whitney Anderson November 12, 2012 at 10:00 am

      Wen, Best wishes to you. Would you be interested in joining a private Facebook group that I’m creating for Intended Parents using gestational carriers?

  • Reply Silvia October 8, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Please I can have child by my own if sameone can do a gestational carrier for me I will apreciate , am from texas

    • Reply Whitney Anderson November 2, 2012 at 4:21 pm

      Silvia, Good luck to you. I hope you find someone to be a GC for you. Have you told all of your family and friends you are looking for this? Posted it to Facebook?

  • Reply Latasha November 1, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Great info!! I found this website while looking for info about becoming a surragate- it has been a desire of mine for a few years now- hoping all ges well w/ you! 🙂

    • Reply Whitney Anderson November 2, 2012 at 4:20 pm

      Thanks, Latasha. Good luck with it. It’s a great thing you are trying to do! Are you in VA, too?

  • Reply Alliyson Alligood November 11, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Thank you Whitney for posting this information. My husband and I have tried IVF twice and been unsuccessful both times. I have some complicating medical issues that make the process that more complex. After our second try we decided it would be best to look for a gestational carrier. I had my mother offer, but not able, my cousin offered but then back out. My aunt and uncle have offered so we are just beginning the process with them. There is so much information to think about and understand. The second most difficult part I feel so far as been to find an attorney that is reasonable in price and knows/understands the laws. And I agree you have to put it out there that you are looking for a surrogate/carrier because I found out a few of my friends would consider it and that my aunt had already talked with my mother and offered months ago. I hope you are able to find someone that is able to help you make dream of becoming a mother come true soon.

    • Reply Whitney Anderson November 12, 2012 at 9:59 am

      Good luck to you Alliyson! Would you be interested in joining a private Facebook group that I’m creating for Intended Parents using gestational carriers?

  • Reply Vanessa February 22, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Thank you for the great information! My husband and I were on our last steps of egg donor IVF when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. A GC is probably our only way of having a child. The process and expense seems so insurmountable at times.

    • Reply Whitney Anderson February 22, 2013 at 11:28 am

      You’re quite welcome. I am so sorry about the infertility and cancer. It’s so unfair. I never thought using a GC would ever be possible for us either. Let everyone know that you are interested in going this route and see what shakes out. Best of luck to you with your treatment and pursuit of a child. ♥

  • Reply Steffanie February 23, 2013 at 10:24 pm

    Thanks for posting this! I’m super, super, super high risk and my doctors are advising me against even trying. We are trying to figure out what we can do in VA or if we should look at trying to find someone in another state.

    • Reply Whitney Anderson February 26, 2013 at 10:58 am

      Steffanie, Just wanted to say good luck to you!

  • Reply Dawndee May 12, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    Thanks so much for posting this! I am looking into the possibility of being a GC for a friend and this is a great summary of VA law and the process. I had my own infertility journey, but never had trouble staying pregnant once I got pregnant (2 pregnancies and 3 kids later). I wish you the best with the twins you have on the way – my twins are 4 1/2 years old now.

  • Reply Nicole July 2, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    Thank you so much for posting this! I am so happy I was able to find your article. I was diagnosed with Uterine Cancer 8 weeks after the birth of my last child. After undergoing treatments and a hysterectomy I was able to keep one ovary in hopes of being able to complete our family. I am now ready to start this journey but scared to death also. We recently moved to VA and I have been trying to look into the laws here and your article was very helpful. I look forward to spreading the word to everyone I meet here now in hopes of finding an angel that will be willing to carry a child for us. Thank you for this and good luck with your new baby bundles of joy!!

    • Reply Courtney January 13, 2014 at 10:03 pm

      Nicole, I’m sorry to hear about your cancer. I have always wanted to be a GS and with the blessing of my husband I am ready to take that step. If you have not found anyone yet I am more than happy to help you grow your family. My email is courtneynbrown@yahoo.com if you would like to talk. If you have already found someone I wish you the best.

  • Reply Cristi January 2, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    I have been a surrogate before and am negotiating with another couple to carry for them. If anyone wants info from the perspective of a GC feel free to ask!

  • Reply Ellen January 8, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    I have 3 amazing children and have wanted to become a surrogate since my first-born was a baby. Having been adopted myself, I have always wanted the opportunity to give back somehow. I feel like I am called to this and I can’t think of a greater gift to give. I only recently convinced my husband of this:) He is on board and I am thrilled! Thank you for sharing this information and your story!

    • Reply Meghann May 7, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      Hi Ellen, I am wondering if you are continuing (or have continued) to research becoming a carrier. My husband and I live in Baltimore and recently found out that I will never carry another child (our daughter is a miracle from our first IVF). We are *imaptiently* searching for a carrier–just haven’t found the right one yet. Are you still interested?

    • Reply Rekha Iyangar March 20, 2017 at 10:58 pm

      I am interested ..I am looking for GC please let me know if you can be my surrogate.please send me or email your contact info on Rekha.iyangar1@gmail.com

  • Reply Paige June 5, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    Upon a Google search, I found http://www.artparenting.com/surrogate-mothers-virginia.html and http://www.washingtonfertility.com/surrogacy.htm. How are these different from “agencies?” Also, I thought insurance does not cover surrogacy as an infertility treatment? ~Interested in Being a Carrier

    • Reply Whitney Anderson June 5, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      Hi Paige. Not familiar with them, but I’m assuming they are charging to “match” you — they are doing that for “free” and then you pay them to be your attorney. As for insurance…no, insurance never covers surrogacy as a fertility treatment. The IPs always have to pay the IVF clinic for that on their own. What IPs are interested in as far as a surrogate’s own insurance — is whether it covers the pregnancy since it is a surrogate pregnancy. IPs don’t want to pay for the pre-natal and birth out of pocket with no insurance coverage. Some exclude surrogacy, some don’t mention it and some include it.

  • Reply Nikki Bains August 1, 2014 at 1:24 am

    Surrogacy is not cheap. And when you think about the human costs and complications involved in delivering a child, it makes sense.

  • Reply whitney moore September 1, 2014 at 9:10 am

    Thank you so much for all your help whitney. My spouse and i just found out that she cant carry children and we want children of our own so bad. I just recently found this page and i was wondering if you still have your facebook page, it would truly be a blessing to have someone carry our child for us, we would pay anything, we love children and are so ready for a family.

  • Reply The Infertility Voice | Resolve to Know More About… The Surrogacy Option October 3, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    […] What are your words of wisdom for those still on the family building path? What advice would you have for anyone considering surrogacy as a family building option? Whitney: My words of wisdom to those still in trenches would be to seek support — find others going through the same thing so you don’t feel so alone and isolated. My advice for those considering surrogacy is that it’s possible to do on your own without an agency. At first, we felt hopeless because we had heard how expensive it is, especially after years of paying 100% out-of-pocket for treatment. It’s expensive no matter what, but way more affordable without an agency. You still need the stars to align somewhat, but it is possible to make it affordable. I have information on my website about how this all works. […]

  • Reply Erin February 4, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    Great blog. I have some questions for you. Which clinic in VA were you with? Also, if someone has a surrogacy exclusion how much are supplemental plans? So if a family member wants to be my surrogate but has an exclusion it could cost thousands?

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